Urban Decay 24/7 Waterliner Eye Pencil

I’m one of those people who has a hard time finding a liner that goes in my waterline and stays there. I’ve tried just about everything you can think of, but I’ve had zero luck, and so the search continues.

Enter my beloved, Urban Decay, who says, “Hey girl, I’ve got a liner specifically made for your waterline, and you already love me. Here. Try it.”

It was too tempting to resist, so I plopped down $20 at Sephora and grabbed one in “Legend,” or black.

Why in the hell didn’t I read the other reviews, first? Why? WHY?!?!?! I write reviews. I should know better! (Yes, it was that bad.)

Now… If you test this in the store on the back of your hand, you might be impressed. This stuff goes on and holds on with an iron grip. It’ll take a bit of scrubbing with the makeup remover they keep handy before you get it off. So you might be inclined to think that with the glorious pigmentation and hold on the back of your hand that you’ll see this sort of thing on your waterline.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You would be wrong.

First off, you can’t even get the damn thing to apply. I had to really work it back and forth to get even a small amount of color to come off, and I was using a good bit of pressure. So I tried it on my hand, and it came off fine. But as soon as I moved it back to my waterline… nothing. I nearly gave up, but then I finally was able to get some small color payoff. It wasn’t nearly what I got on my hand, but it was a start at least.

But surely this would last? Nope. I got maybe an hour out of the first run. MAYBE. After that, it all slid down my waterline to my lash line. In chunks. It sure as hell wasn’t pretty, and considering how this stuff clings to anything but the waterline like the devil to a politician’s soul, I was crying into my eye makeup remover pads before I went to bed.

Day 2: I’m determined that I’m doing something wrong. This is Urban Decay, and Urban Decay has FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC eye makeup products. Right? RIGHT?!?! I blot my eyes to dry them, warm the thing up on my hand first, and set it with some Blackout shadow from my beloved Naked 2 palette for good measure. Hell, I even slap on a little makeup sealant for good measure.

This stuff laughs at me and smears right back down to my lash line within 30 minutes. THIRTY FREAKING MINUTES!!! And this time it not only manages to look worse, it also managed to be harder to get off than the first time. Seriously, with a name like Urban Decay, you have to wonder how in the hell this stuff made it to retail establishments. It’s such an amazing brand. It really is surprising finding a product this bad with their name on it. Are we being punked?

And to anyone who might possibly think I’m exaggerating about how bad this is or that I’m likely a novice… It’s not just me. I finally decided to Google this liner after not getting it to work, hoping and praying that I somehow could, and Temptalia’s review was one of the first to pop up. Now, look at the swatches and wince. That is supposed to go next to your eyeball, and God bless Christine for putting herself through that at least five times to test out all of the shades.

But at least you can use it as a standard eyeliner, right? Nuh-uh. Nope. Dear goodness, please save yourself the horror and pain of that battle when it comes time to remove it. I don’t know whether to take it back to Sephora or call John Constantine to perform an exorcism on my eye pencil collection.

Lucifer’s eyeliner